I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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