you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
