That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
