dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
