never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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