Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
