i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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