New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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