im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When are your genitals available?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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