Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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