Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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