so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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