Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
