Who did Billy Mays play for?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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