Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
sex in a hospital.. check
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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