He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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