oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
