and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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