hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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