That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
