I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
