I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
