Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
