You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i need some magic done to my vagina
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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