She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
