Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
