you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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