She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
