I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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