I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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