I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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