he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize