I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The Olympian is in my bed
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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