Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
