I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize