make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
