she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize