I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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