You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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