Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
