PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
