the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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