No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
