Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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