Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
