well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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