Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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