i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
