she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
