Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
