remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
