why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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