four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
