Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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