It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
