My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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