my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You should frame my arrest warrant.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
