i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize