Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
